My Mental Health History and Illness

I know from personal experience when in that depressed state nothing makes sense. Options to change one’s life, solutions to other challenges all fall on deaf ears and don’t penetrate the dampened intellectual mental reasoning to see the true nature and recoverability of the issue. There is a feeling of no way out no matter what solution is presented often described as a black cloud surrounding the head. The chemical imbalance in the brain is such that the brain cannot recognize the answers to the problem.  It gets stuck on the immediate present imbalanced focus without being able to shift from this perspective to see the true light of reason.

In 2009, just after my father died, the business I had spent all my career in was being decimated by the property crash and things seemed very bleak. At the same time and as a result of the property crash in 2008 my wife and I were in debt personally to the tune off over €5m from various property investments. The banks were trying to repossess our family home and leverage off our business. I wasn’t coping very well and blamed the business for not allowing me to pursue my spiritual journey. I had always wanted to be a spiritual teacher and presenter and yet here I was stuck in this challenging business, and I blamed it for the depression I was developing. 

I was prescribed anti-depressants and started attending sessions with a psychologist. Soon after the psychologist and I realized that the business was having an adverse effect on my mental health, and we discussed exit strategies. I couldn’t see a way out but began to scale the business back so that the responsibilities and associated stress levels were reduced. 
I remember at the time having excruciating pains in my head and I was admitted to hospital for tests on my brain for any anomalies. After all the tests were completed, I was told that they found nothing out of the ordinary. In retrospect, I now know it was mental stress and anxiety. 

By the end of 2018 we had agreed a settlement with the banks for our outstanding debt and were now free from the financial stress and bank pressure. I was still taking anti-depressants. It was still hard to make ends meet and I was suffering from the toll of the battle.

I remember the day it happened that I knew I couldn’t go on. I had been having dark thoughts and suicidal plans. I would drive to the harbour at the sea close to our house and spent hours procrastinating. I would write pages and pages about how useless I was, what a failure I was and how I had messed up things. I would gaze into the sea water before me and contemplate if I just walked out and kept walking, I could leave the pain behind. 

What I am really concerned about is that fuelled initially by the pressure of the mental demands in the emerging modern world in recent times the disease of mental illness has spread to our youth. A large proportion are being prescribed anti-depressants and anxiety-based medicine like Xanax. While they may not be faced with the mental pressure the older generations experienced, they have faced an even greater mental adversity that has developed through social media and other mentally focused demands from modern technology. 

The speed of life has escalated to such a degree that it has proven a challenge for this next generation to take a pause. The seriousness of this situation is understood when you consider that this is the next generation of leaders who will be burdened with the duty of the development of the world. How they perform will determination our global reality picture. 

Mental illness and depression stunts creativity, frustrates sound reasoning an

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